I am

4-20 (22)

Who am I? This is a subject I’ve been contemplating lately as I see myself doing things I never thought I would do, facing the monsters I never thought I would face. Facing my demons has caused me a sort of out- of-body experience where I  walk around like a zombie and wonder, is my hand my hand?

I walk through my neighborhood and detach myself from all the white noise that fills the air and I ponder, is this a drama being played out before me? Am I this moment? This second? Who am I?

What caused me to face my dark past? I told myself that I am not this body, and that nothing can harm me, I have nothing to lose.  I am accustomed to pain, I know it all too well, it is what I grew up with yet at the same time I loathe it. It is what kept me from confronting my past. I’ve only recently realized that on the other side of this pain-my dark past- lays my freedom. How long will it take to heal? I do not know, but with the help of the lord I am that much stronger. I have a lot more work to do within my world, more monsters to slay, but I am determined.

I look back and see how much I have changed, how I am not the same individual that was here yesterday, last year, five years ago. So I pose the question again, who am I? I don’t know, I may never really know who I am but I take comfort from knowing that my creator knows me and that in His eyes, I am never lost.

BG 6.30: For one who sees Me everywhere and sees everything in Me, I am never lost, nor is he ever lost to Me.

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